Anne checked her watched and stifled a growl of frustration. She paced around the kitchen one more time before making her decision and walking up to the bathroom door and hammering on it with one fist. “Come on, Farley!” she hollered through the door. “You have been in there twenty minutes already.” “Bathroom time is…
Tag: sorry not sorry
Yo! Two glasses of wine!
Yo! Two glasses of wine! I know I am not a karaoke star and that this is not a movie. Stop trying to convince me that the music piping in through my Beats is surround sound to my own personal music video. I will not dance around this subway car to Taylor Swift! I know…
Dear Butt
Dear Butt, I know you think you’re adorable and the center of the universe, but you’re not and you need to stop expanding and making my pants too tight. Also, just because I buy you cute underwear does not mean you are my favorite body part, so stop telling everyone that. My knees are getting…
Wax on, Wax Off
Farley was a low-maintenance kind of girl and she liked that about herself. It didn’t take her three hours to get out of the apartment in the morning and she didn’t spend half of her paycheck on beauty supplies. Makeup was typically a once a week occurrence reserved for the days when the stars aligned…
Desperate Serial Killer Seeking Significant Other
Time Stamp: Pre-Matt Short, cute, slightly crazy woman seeking partner. Do you enjoy being simultaneously terrified and aroused out of your mind? Does awkwardness turn you on? Have you ever wanted to date a girl who is more obsessed with your penis than you are? Then we have got the person for you! Her name…
Text Message Panic
Farley had never dated someone who was emotionally in touch and affectionate. She didn’t really understand how to react to cute text messages and spontaneous hugs and kisses that weren’t necessarily a prelude to sex. So the first time Matt sent her a text that read had to deal with so many idiots today. made…
Thanks Levi
She knew he had a 34 inch waist and a 32 inch inseam thanks to his butt. The little tag right over the curve of his ass that was not hidden by his dark leather belt was tan and a stark contrast to his tight dark blue jeans.
Serial Killer: Farley
Anne exhaled and dropped the draft she was reading on the table. “Ooooookaaaaay, Farley,” she said. “You sound like a serial killer.” “How!? How do I sound like a serial killer?” Farley demanded. Anne picked the paper back up and cleared her throat. “‘I find most of my artistic inspiration in the human body,’” Anne…
Everybody Talks….
Hey Y’all, I feel like this week was not a very exciting week posting-wise because of the empty hole on Tuesday, but I am using that space to massage my brain cells and open up the nefarious plot sensors. I also got sucked down into the black hole of serial killers. I have been wikipedia…
Those Five Words
“Farley, we need to talk,” Anne said. Farley looked up from where she was halfway through her assigned Biology reading. All of her warning bells were going off. Klaxons screaming, lights flashing. Those five words never ended well for her, ever. Be cool. Be cool. She reminded herself silently. “Yeah?” Farley asked, and her voice…
Seventies Porn Style
“Please remove your clothes, then lay down on the table and cover yourself with the sheet,” the nurse instructed before slipping out the door. Farley slide out of her jeans and panties in one swoop and folded them up, placing them on the chair. She pulled her t-shirt off, folded it and set it on top…
Hey Straight Boys
Hey Straight Boys, Quick! Find something big and strong to anchor your masculinity to because I just bought my first strap-on and it is time to plough some booty. Aw yiiiisssss. -A girl with more inches than you
Little Gentian 