Dear Butt,

I know you think you’re adorable and the center of the universe, but you’re not and you need to stop expanding and making my pants too tight. Also, just because I buy you cute underwear does not mean you are my favorite body part, so stop telling everyone that. My knees are getting upset.

Yours truly,

Me

P.S. – Just because my boyfriend likes you doesn’t mean you get special treatment.

P.P.S – And don’t think I have forgotten about all the trouble you caused in elementary school!