Serial Killer: Farley

Anne exhaled and dropped the draft she was reading on the table. “Ooooookaaaaay, Farley,” she said. “You sound like a serial killer.” “How!? How do I sound like a serial killer?” Farley demanded. Anne picked the paper back up and cleared her throat. “‘I find most of my artistic inspiration in the human body,’” Anne…

Those Five Words

“Farley, we need to talk,” Anne said. Farley looked up from where she was halfway through her assigned Biology reading. All of her warning bells were going off. Klaxons screaming, lights flashing. Those five words never ended well for her, ever. Be cool. Be cool. She reminded herself silently. “Yeah?” Farley asked, and her voice…

#23 – Clothing

Welcome back to why not to date a superhero(in)es! [In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1] Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative.      23) Clothing Okay, we already…

Seventies Porn Style

“Please remove your clothes, then lay down on the table and cover yourself with the sheet,” the nurse instructed before slipping out the door. Farley slide out of her jeans and panties in one swoop and folded them up, placing them on the chair. She pulled her t-shirt off, folded it and set it on top…

Impossible Futures with Strangers

All I can see is that he has his glasses pushed up onto his forehead, resting on his brow so he can read something on his phone and it makes me inexplicably happy. He is starting to bald at the crown of his head and he is wearing a three piece suit. It makes me…

#24 Property Destruction – “Oops” Factor Revisited

Let’s go back to one of our previous reasons for why normals should not date superhero(in)es. [In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1] Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. …

Hey Straight Boys

Hey Straight Boys, Quick! Find something big and strong to anchor your masculinity to because I just bought my first strap-on and it is time to plough some booty. Aw yiiiisssss. -A girl with more inches than you

Wordsmith

The Original Prompt was: So, prompt. That awkward moment at a cafe where there is one seat left at any of the tables and you need it, but, naturally, there will be a stranger sitting across from you. And go. Bonus points is said other person is attractive.   Farley had wanted to work on…

One Time!

Farley wandered into her roommate’s bedroom and face-planted in her bed, whining loudly. Anne ignored her until Farley started poking her nonstop. “What is it, Farley?” Ann asked as she bookmarked her page. “My dick is three states away,” Farley whimpered, rolling her head to the side so Anne could hear her. “Your…dick?” Anne was…

#27 – Evil Doppelganger/Imposter

I don’t know if I told you all how this list came into existence, but better now than never. The top reasons for normals to not date supers started when I was still working at the coffee shop. I think it was a really slow Sunday (all Sundays are slow when you open at 7am…

Re-Evaluating Partner Choices

After her first gynecologist appointment, Farley’s annual vag checkup was old hat for her. She wasn’t even in the grin-and-bear-it-but-more-like-close-your-eyes-and-endure-it camp; she was firmly in the this-ain’t-no-big-deal-let’s-chat-while-you-put-shit-up-my-vag club. Since she only got to see her gynecologist once a year, her time to impress and traumatize was very short, and in five years she had yet…

Tit Talk #1

Some men name their penises and talk about them in the third person, so Farley refuses to let anyone make her feel weird about the fact that she calls her breasts “the girls” and that the three of them have pep talks. She started calling her breasts “the girls” in high school, but they didn’t…