#24 Property Destruction – “Oops” Factor Revisited

Let’s go back to one of our previous reasons for why normals should not date superhero(in)es.

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. 

 

24) Property Destruction – “Oops” Factor Revisited

Saving the world usually comes with some collateral damage. Superhero(in)es most likely destroy trillions of dollars worth of property throughout the duration of their careers – buildings are leveled, public transit uprooted, roads demolished, and huge fuck-off craters blown into the face of the planet. This is one reason why your superhero(in)e’s secret identity can never be discovered – ain’t nobody got enough money for that shit.

But outside of the gratuitous destruction of public property there is the issue of private property. Your superhero(ine) gets angry while watching TV or trying to navigate the mess of menus and inputs? Crushed remote. Not quite awake enough in the morning? Exploded coffee cups, faucets pulled out of the wall, and fridge handles/doors ripped off. A little drunk coming home? Doors yanked off hinges, all of the snack food completely devoured, and dents in the walls. Frustration? iPads, laptops, and cellphones snapped in half or crushed, dents in the table and countertops, and shattered glasses.

They don’t even have to have superstrength for this to be an issue – Jubilee? Oops I fried the TV, computer, etc. Storm?  Windstorm/rain/snow in the living room or bedroom? Can you say water damage? Spiderman? No one has investigated how hard it is to get that web out of fabric or nooks and crannies. Wolverine and the bathroom sink in his origin movie? Cyclops without sunglasses? And the list goes on.

The thing is though, they’re not trying to total the house and all your possessions, it is all very truly an accident. They are immediately contrite and the puppy-dog faces slay your heart. It’s just very, very hard on all budgets.

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