Welcome back to why not to date a superhero(in)es!

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. 

23) Clothing

Okay, we already touched on the fact that our superhero(in)es run around in skintight super-suits that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, but can we take a moment to bemoan the fact that a lot of superhero(in)es run around in the grown-up equivalent of a onesie? A leotard if you want to be kind. I mean I shun people who use snuggies at home and these people are running around in public in the spandex/latex version of kids pajamas. I know it’s for aerodynamics and being able to move quickly/fluidly and not having to worry about baggy clothes snagging/catching on things, but do they never get wedgies? What about camel toe? Damn, it has to ride up somewhere!

Thankfully, we don’t have to go over the “wearing spandex/latex is a privilege not a right” explanation because almost all superhero(ine)s have the kinds of bodies that make spandex and latex look good, but even though those super-suits are made of something very strong they probably cannot be machine washed. I do not even want to think about the dry-cleaning bills, plus how the hell do you find a dry-cleaner who will keep your secret?

But beyond the super-suits, what about regular clothes? Superhero(in)es always get into fights without their super-suits and then it’s bloodstains and lost buttons and rips and all sorts of other stains. Normal people buy new clothes/wardrobes three or four times a year, superhero(in)es probably have to do it two to three times a month. Do you hear that budget crying again? I do.