Dear Heat/Global Warming/Weather, Could you knock it off please? I am a “young, up-and-coming professional,” which just means I got little to no expendable income, and my apartment did not come with AC. I am dying here. I come home late and spread out starkers in front of my fan, and barely have the energy…
Tag: sorry not sorry
Hey Inconsiderate Shithead
Hey Inconsiderate Shithead – Turn that shit off. It is 7:45 in the morning and you are playing fucking candy crush with your sound on and no headphones. Some of us just want a quiet morning commute without having to be part of your inane obsession. The girl in front of me looks like she…
Classified Revisited
Recent creative writing MFA graduate and administrative assistant seeking: male between the ages of 23 and 40 (reasonably flexible on age). Must give actual massages, not just running hands up and down their partner’s back as a prelude to sex. Must either have played hockey in the past, love watching professional hockey, and/or be open…
#30 – Ooooops! My Bad!
In the aftermath of Captain America Day, I figured it might be a good idea to grace all of you with the top 30 reasons for why it is inadvisable to date superhero(in)es. I am not saying that you should NEVER date supers, I am just saying, here are a few things to think about…
Hey God, are you there? It’s me, Michelle
Hey God, I know you’ll never give me more than I can handle, but you could please stop fucking trusting me so much? I need a fucking break. All the love and respect, Overwrought Raised Catholic
Classified
I found this in one of my notebooks and it gave me a laugh: Second year creative writing MFA student seeking: male, orphan, massage therapist who plays hockey. Must be no older than thirty-two. Would prefer some post-high school education (Bachelor’s degree or better). Submissives need not apply. Must appreciate quirky sense of humor and…
Between His Legs
He had his legs spread, long fingers wrapped around the lower half of a large coffee cup and all she could think about was getting down on her knees between those legs and those long fingers pushing through her short hair. She imagines one of those fingers pressing inside her or all five of them…
Dear Customer
Dear Customer – You’re a dick. Sincerely, Your barista
Little Gentian 