Recent creative writing MFA graduate and administrative assistant seeking: male between the ages of 23 and 40 (reasonably flexible on age). Must give actual massages, not just running hands up and down their partner’s back as a prelude to sex. Must either have played hockey in the past, love watching professional hockey, and/or be open to watching and /or learning hockey. Post-high school education heavily preferred (Bachelor’s degree, vocational school, or higher). Equal Opportunity Nationality, but Canadian applicants will be given preference, followed by 3rd generation Russian Americans (2nd generation as long as you no longer reside in Brighton Beach, but are still able to order Russian food in Russian) and British/Australians/New Zealanders/South Africans as long as you can still woo me with an accent. Must be motivated! Submissives need not apply. Do not respond if you do not fulfill requirements. Feel free to ask Appropriate questions. Application process begins once you have submitted a full resume, STD panel, and a 500 word essay on why feminism is important, feel free to go over the word limit.