The first time Farley went to the gynecologist, she was nowhere near as blasé. She picked at the appointment like a half-healed scab, and ran to her mother every time it hurt. Her mother, to her credit, did her best to assuage her daughter’s worries and fears, but a mother’s assurances can only do so…
Tag: humor
Dear Sexist Asshole
Dear Sexist Assholes: Enough is ENOUGH! I have had it with your motherfucking opinions all up in my motherfucking vag. Everybody strap in! (gets up on stage) I’m about to open some fuckin’ minds. Always my own, A woman on the edge
Dear Bitchy Prudes
Dear Bitchy Prudes, It’s none of your damn business if my breasts “pop” out of my dress. I do not appreciate your concern and I do not need it. I know my limits and I very rarely exceed them. If my boobs do happen to “pop” out – too fucking bad. It’s not like…
Classified
I found this in one of my notebooks and it gave me a laugh: Second year creative writing MFA student seeking: male, orphan, massage therapist who plays hockey. Must be no older than thirty-two. Would prefer some post-high school education (Bachelor’s degree or better). Submissives need not apply. Must appreciate quirky sense of humor and…
Repercussions of a Breakup – Part Three
Laura slammed into the kitchen, chest heaving, her ginger hair up in a bun. Jess had her feet up on the table, carefully applying a new coat of paint to her nails. Tess was at the stove humming to herself as she made stirfry and Brendan was absorbed with his computer. None of them flinched…
Important Questions
She was going to miss the toilet the most, she decided. Kneeling on the rug in socks, panties, and her jewelry she gripped the seat and finished ejecting what was left of the beer in her stomach. The porcelain was cool against her breasts and her folded arms were a comfortable pillow for her swimming…
Repercussions of a Breakup – Part two
Laura walked through the dairy aisle on autopilot, her mind wrapped up in the latest crisis on the home front. She was staring blankly at the milk display when Jess popped up next to her. “Laur,” Jess called. “Hmm?” Laura turned to see her friend holding out a large container of yogurt. “You should get…
Reprecussions of a Breakup
“According to the doctors I have a protein deficiency. Ever since Paul and I broke up my protein intake has dropped significantly,” Laura explained, frowning as Jess choked on her coffee, Brendan coughed a few times, and Tess looked like she was smothering a smile behind her hand. She watched them for a few more…
Innocent Question
Hannah had her head cocked to the side, listening closely to the sound the steam wand was making in the milk as she tipped the metal pitcher to one side, watching the foam build up. When she was satisfied with the amount of foam, she set the pitcher flat on the espresso machine and turned…
All Rational Thought Has Been Currently Suspended
I have one really irrational fear. I can’t really explain where it came from, but I do have some theories. Let me set it up for you. I work at a coffee shop. I am a shift lead and, therefore, a key holder. I am an opener. I wake up at 4am to get to…
Blowing off Some Steam
Her dirty, coffee-stained sneakers hit the sidewalk at a fast clip, heel-to-toe until she remembered to walk ball-to-heel, which never lasted long. She was walking home, her tote bag clenched between her left arm and the side of her body. Loose, black exercise pants were cinched tight above her hips, the hems rolled up to…
Little Gentian 