Anxiety, Let’s Talk.

I know you stem from a plethora of things rooted in my childhood and adolescence, and even young adulthood, but that’s not really what I want to talk about. I wanted to sit down and talk with you because I hope that once you see how you affect me, you might ease off a bit.

Honestly, you make things really rough. I can be perfectly fine one moment and then something triggers you and I can’t breathe and my heart is beating so hard in my chest it hurts. Sometimes you show up at night when I am trying to sleep and all I can do is stare at the wall as my body feels like lead, but my brain is whirring thousands of miles an hour. You make me agitated and prone to crying and borderline hyperventilation. What can really be hard are the long, drawn-out, low-grade panic attacks that can last for days where my chest feels tight and I have no idea why.

I do lots of things to try to control you – I practice separating fact from feelings and thoughts, I make lists of all the things I need to do and reasons why everything is fine, I meditate when I can, I am trying to get back on a regular exercise regime, I got a Xanax prescription, and sometimes I just take a sleeping pill.

Do you see where I am coming from, Anxiety? Do you think you could meet me halfway on this?

Hopefully Not Yours,

Michelle