#29 – Jealousy

I don’t know if I mentioned this in the first post, but the 30 Reasons Not to Date a Superhero(ine) are meant to be reasons why NON-SUPERS shouldn’t date supers, if that wasn’t obvious. This is a humor piece and not meant to offend or discriminate against superhero(in)es. Superhero(in)es deserve love, too.

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative.


29) Jealousy (this one is predicated on the fact that the partner knows their lover is a super)

On our part. I am not even talking about the superhero(ine) being jealous, because honestly, what does ze have to be jealous of? Well, actually a lot. We are living a normal life with no arch nemeses, unless you are Sherlock. Additionally, you often see very jealous superhero(in)es because they cannot do all the fun non-super things that normals can do because they are tied to the responsibility of being supers (ie: out of town vacations, skipping the gym because you don’t feel like it – for a month, pets, etc).

But. My main point. It is really fucking hard not to get jealous if your significant other is a super. And jealousy is either indicative of insecurity or leads to insecurity. Examples are as follows:

Number One: your superhero(ine) is hanging out with other superhero(in)es who are so hot and sexy and perfect looking so why would ze ever look twice at you (forgetting the fact that ze is dating you so ze is obviously already attracted to you)? How the hell are you supposed to measure up against those other superhero(in)es? They could totally steal your superhero(ine) right out from under your nose with their totally relatable tragic backstories, trauma, tight bodies, and ability to relate to superhero(ine) problems. So, yes, a little jealous, and maybe a little bit paranoid.

Number Two: everyone has their eyes on your partner, watching hir run around in skintight spandex that leaves nothing to the imagination. They all talk about how sexy and hot ze is and it’s nice in the beginning, but damn it, that is yours! Quit fucking looking at my significant other! Put your eyes back in your head and stop speculating on ze’s cup size and/or how many inches are in hir pants!

Number Three: the fans. Oh, God, the fans. You totally feel them, you are/were one of them, but watching them drool, run after, and fling themselves at your partner and throw their unmentionables at hir is just psychologically scarring. Please stop throwing panties/boxers/tighty whities/bras/jockey straps at my partner!

Number Three B: if the fans know about you, just know that it’s going to get Japanese anime/Korean drama up in here = shoes disappearing, garbage in your desk, scary mobs of people telling you your super deserves better, death threats, etc

Number Four:  WITH THE SLUTTY/SEXY VERSIONS OF MY PARTNER! It was funny once or twice, but Halloween is a nightmare every single year (at the bars and parties, the kids are fuck-off adorable).

Number Five: MINE!

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