Please welcome Farley to our family!
Farley liked to think she was conversationally gifted and she liked to share this gift with others as often as possible. She had a way with the English language that most people could only dream of having. Growing up, she had been the nerdy asshole who called people troglodytes and mouth-breathing scum-suckers, usually only under her breath or to her two best minions because she didn’t want to end up in a locker for which she didn’t know the combination. As she grew older, she came to the realization that while an expansive vocabulary was invaluable, it was timing that had the most impact on people, most especially the element of surprise which led to the shock and awe factor.
This was why she decided to call her mother during her lunch break even though she had just spoken to her mother that morning. Her mother would not be expecting her to call again so quickly.
“Hey, sweetpea, what’s going on?” her mother said, a note of warm affection in her voice.
“So, the speculum is going to be inserted at precisely 8:10 in the morning on Friday, February the seventh,” Farley announced in lieu of greeting.
“Oh, wow, Far, did you really have to put it like that? My stomach just dropped out.”
Farley beamed. Even her mother wasn’t immune to her wordcraft.