And One More Thing, Present Michelle, Stop making cookie dough and eating it straight out of the fridge. Also, could you please get off your ass and do that exercise plan you keep talking about? It would be reaaaaaally helpful right about now. Not Bathing Suit Ready, Future Michelle P.S. – Past Michelle was right.
Tag: humor
Yeah, Really, Present Michelle
Yeah, Really, Present Michelle, Get over yourself and how about you put that doughnut down and think about Future Michelle? She’s going to be yelling at you for it soon! Unrepentant, Past Michelle
This Week Ten Years Ago
The Week of 4/16/2006 Witty one liner: My parents almost lost me as a child, but they didn’t take me far enough into the woods. Quote of the week: “Never squat with your spurs on.” – Anonymous Offbeat oddity (courtesy of the planner): A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves…
Really Past Michelle?
Really!? Reaaaaaally, Past Michelle? Do you know what the scale said this morning? Do you? I am up two pounds because of you and your cinnamon buns and molten lava cakes and homemade whipped cream! Could you please think about me before you stuff your face with every sugary thing in sight!? Heavier than last week,…
This Week Ten Years Ago
The Week of 3/19/2006 Witty one liner: I tried to sniff coke, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose. Quote of the week: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt Offbeat oddity (courtesy of the planner): When Canada’s new 1987 one-dollar coin design went missing, the Mint…
Hey, Present Michelle
Hey, Present Michelle, If you hate it so much, just take it off the playlist, dumbass. I put it there, but you are the one whining about it when you have the power to do something about it. Without Empathy, Past Michelle P.S. – And saying that you don’t want to lose the song is…
Saeb is back!
Hello Everyone! Our very trusty and smart Saeb is back to answer any and all questions you might have! He was very insistent on wearing my glasses and headphones to show people what I look like at work. You can ask him questions on any of the below: Twitter: mimiscorpion Tumblr: deviousscorpionangel.tumblr.com Instagram: michelle.austin29 E-mail:…
Yo, Past Michelle
Yo, Past Michelle, Why the fuck did you put this creepy-ass song on this otherwise pleasant and awesome playlist? Every time it comes on it freaks me out and ruins perfectly good moments. Dude, seriously! Frustratedly Yours, Present Michelle
Dear Life
Dear Life, Please stop “happening,” I need to get a bunch of shit done. Do you know how hard it is to write and commit to your dreams when YOU keep “happening?” Tone down the “happening” please and I will not have to resort to running away screaming to a cave and hermiting for the…
Dear Disorganized Procrastinators
Dear Disorganized Procrastinators, You stress me out. Knock it off. Sincerely, An Uptight, OCD Planner
Object of Focus
Anne checked her watched and stifled a growl of frustration. She paced around the kitchen one more time before making her decision and walking up to the bathroom door and hammering on it with one fist. “Come on, Farley!” she hollered through the door. “You have been in there twenty minutes already.” “Bathroom time is…
This Week Ten Years Ago-ish
The Week of 1/15/2006 Witty one liner: One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Quote of the week: “…envy is ignorance…imitation is suicide…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson Offbeat oddity (courtesy of the planner): Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. president…
Little Gentian 