Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

I never thought I would live below someone who put an Above Average video to shame. The people before you would stomp on the floor in time to me pounding chicken breasts flat for recipes. So when they left, I was actually kind of happy. Then you moved in and every fucking night it sounds like you are moving in all over again, but without any person capable of lifting heavy furniture. I don’t even want to think about how scratched up your floors must be. What the fuck are dragging from one side of your apartment to the other EVERY. FUCKING. NIGHT!?!?

If you could please knock it off, I, as well as my poor nerves, would really appreciate it.

With a Hatred-Filled Heart,

Your Downstairs Neighbor