#6 – Your Secret Identity

This is number six of the top 30 reasons for why normal people should not date a superhero(ine). Remember supers! This is all in good fun, BUT if you see yourself in these reasons you should consider altering your behavior in order to keep your beloved!

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. I consider “bro” and “brah” gender neutral. I use them in my day to day life to refer to people of all gender identities.

6) Your Secret Identity

I am sure all of you have noticed one of the recurring themes in this series is your super’s secret identity and whether or not you know it. Whenever I watch TV shows/movies where the main love interest doesn’t know that the superhero(ine) is who ze is, it drives me up the fucking wall – Spiderman, Batman, The Flash, Superman, etc. The insane levels of lying, manipulation, and straight-up assholery that happens to protect the ALL SACRED SUPER-SECRET IDENTITY make me foam at the mouth. Especially when they have the main love interest interact with the superhero(ine) as a super and as their alter ego. Whether the main love interest loves both, hates both, or loves one and hates the other, this level of deception is mind boggling and I always feel bad for the love interest who is being led around by hir nose WITH NO IDEA WHY.

I really don’t want to feed into superhero(in)es inherent martyr complexes – but either fortify your ass and tell them who you are or stop leading them on. Like with Spiderman (the original movie series) and The Flash (season 1) – if you don’t want your love interest to be hurt then STOP INTERACTING WITH THEM. In IRL with your normal identity you tell them you need a break or you make it really clear that you are not interested in anything other than a friendship (WHICH IN BOTH STORIES THAT WAS ALL THE LOVE INTEREST WAS PURSUING) and then you STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THEM WHEN YOU ARE IN SPANDEX. Distance does not actually make the heart grow fonder in the long run, you stay away long enough and keep your boundaries and your romantic feelings will begin to fade.

Also, on a really petty note – it can get really exhausting when your super is all OMG I HAVE TO COME UP WITH ULTIMATE DISGUISE TO HIDE WHO I AM!!!! *puts on sunglasses* and magically no one recognizes them and you can’t even figure out how to hide the crater-sized pores on your nose or that fucking zit on your chin.

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