This Week Ten Years Ago

The Week of 6/18/2006

Witty one liner: We’d make a cute couple, if only you were cute

Quote of the week: Cut out

Offbeat oddity (courtesy of the planner): There is about 1/4 pound of salt in each gallon of seawater

The witty one liner also reminds me of a funny picture my mother sent me where a woman and a man are playing a game with blocks and the text says: We’d be a normal couple if it weren’t for you. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s Brazilian Helicopter Pilot who makes us an abnormal couple, but I am quite sure that it is me. This witty one liner also reminds me of another one which is, if I may paraphrase, “I may be drunk, but in the morning I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.” Ahhhh, the witty repartee of our forefathers.

Seriously, sixteen year-old Michelle!? It is the second to last week of this series and you are still cutting things out of the planner. I am beginning to think that you don’t actually care about the future of our great nation! Well, no fears, twenty-six year-old Michelle will continue to clean up your messes!

“We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.” – Anaïs Nin

I found that quote in the beginning of a book that I have not finished reading yet and it struck a chord within me. How often do we do this? Why do we have so much trouble accepting people for who they are instead of how we see them or want them to be? My past relationships before Brazilian Helicopter Pilot were a study in this, especially the one immediately prior. I wanted to see him as a provider, as someone who was strong, who was motivated, who would protect me, and do anything for me, for us. I lived in that illusion for almost a year until our relationship became so untenable that I had to end it. It can be very hard for me to take off the rose-tinted glasses and Brazilian Helicopter Pilot and I try very hard to be open and honest and communicative. He is still up on a bit of a pedestal for me because he has accepted every weird, messed up thing I have thrown at him so far. This past weekend was eye-opening for me because there was a moment where I really looked at him and realized that he is just as human and fallible as I am. He doesn’t love me blindly, ignoring all of my faults and thinking me perfect 24/7. I can annoy him, I can baffle him, I can push him to the edge, but he is a quiet, contemplative person so what appears to me as never-ending understanding and patience is him processing and coming to the decision that he loves me with all of my flaws and neuroses and anxiety and that he does have almost limitless patience, but there are limits.

It can be hard to accept that a lot of how you view people is your own prejudices, past, and feelings being reflected onto someone else. I believe in Buddhism this is the idea of emptiness. Everything around us is empty of meaning except for what we bring to it.

Hey! A quarter pound of salt to each gallon of saltwater!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!?! THERE IS ALMOST ENOUGH SALT IN IT TO MAKE SALT POTATOES!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!

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