The Problem With Pickup Lines

Frost was firmly dug in at her table in the school café. It was midterms and anxiety was running high, while sanity was at a shocking new low. She was sure that the hours of sleep every student in the café had gotten over the past week, if added up, would probably be less than forty-eight total. Most of her peers had headphones jammed in their ears like her, and bleary desperation in their eyes. There were more cups of coffee in the room than people and if a conversation dared go louder than a murmur the culprits were shamed into silence with bloodshot glares.

As it was, Frost had one more paper to turn in and she was slogging through her final round of edits when it happened. She didn’t know where the guy came from, but he was suddenly standing across the table from her, his stunned-looking brown eyes fixed on her. She glanced up from her computer in time to see his lips move. It took all her willpower to not sigh in annoyance and roll her eyes. She pulled out her headphones.

“What?” There was no way to completely eliminate the edge in her tone, but she did try to minimize it.

“Are you a witch?”

Frost blinked at him, tipping her head a little to one side. Had the stress of midterms destroyed all his brain cells, she wondered. They remained like that, eyes locked, for a good thirty seconds, while Frost waited to see if he was serious, if there was a punch line coming. He didn’t move, didn’t blink.

“Why would you ever ask that question?” Frost finally said.

“I – just…because I need to know.” He blinked once and licked his lips nervously. “Are you a witch?”

This time the emphasis was on the first word and he sounded painfully earnest. Frost leaned back in her chair, really letting herself look at him. He was her height, maybe an inch or two taller than her, and was dressed fairly innocuously. Loose, but not baggy, blue jeans, a dark blue t-shirt, and nice looking sneakers. She deemed his face not unfortunate, but nothing to write home about, and his brown hair was average in color and style.

No clues gathered from his appearance, Frost took a moment to assess her own. Hiking boots, worn and ragged blue jeans, blue long-sleeved shirt, and a ratty, second-hand, grey zip-up hoodie. Her hair was unstyled, she was wearing her glasses, and she had no makeup on at all. It was a far cry from her high school goth days of bondage pants, black lipstick, and mesh shirts, and even her usual outfits that almost always had one article of black clothing in them.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked.

“Nothing is wrong,” he told her. “It’s a perfectly valid question, so are you?”

“No, that is not a valid question, people do not just go around asking people they don’t know if they are witches, and I am not answering your question until you answer mine – why do you want to know?” Frost found herself speaking slower and annunciating more like she was talking to a small child, her exasperation fully evident.

He tucked his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet. “It’s because you’re really pretty and all the most beautiful girls I meet are witches.”

Frost was torn between the urge to laugh hysterically or to shake him until his teeth rattled to the ground and some sense appeared in his skull. She settled on rubbing her face and pinching the bridge of her nose instead.

After a moment she looked up and saw him opening his mouth.

“No. Just no. Go away and think about how truly terrible an experience this has been for both of us.” Frost pointed across the café. “Go. Now.”

“But you didn’t -”

“Go!”

His shoulders slumped and he walked away.

Midterms.

 

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112 Comments Add yours

  1. awax1217 says:

    Reminds me of the witches of Salem. If they thought you were a witch they drowned you. If you died you were not. If you lived you were and they burned you. Damn if you are and if you are not.

    Like

    1. The Salem Witch Trials were terrifying, I can’t even read too much on it because it is so upsetting. I took a forensic sciences class in undergrad and one of the theories floated about the Salem witches is that they were all high on, I think, LSD from moldy wheat. It has been too long for me to be certain of all the details, but throughout history people who were deemed different were singled out and punished. I only wish we were getting more tolerant.

      Like

  2. Ouch! Faux pas from hell! ‘Frost’ is aptly named!

    Like

    1. XD I don’t try to pick people up, but I can completely relate to the foot-in-mouth syndrome. Happens a lot to me! And thanks, sometimes names can be a bit of a challenge for me : )

      Like

  3. Reblogged. Truly spectacular…

    Like

    1. Thank you! I am so glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

    1. Thank you! : ) I’m glad you found it worthy of reblogging

      Like

  4. kanadex says:

    Oh my gosh I stumbled upon your blog and I love this! Please continue this, it’s amazing 🙂

    Like

    1. Thanks! I don’t know if Frost will return, she was a one time inspiration at the moment, but I am working on a novella about a different woman who uses really bad pickup lines to woo her brother’s best friend. Bad pickup lines are a guilty pleasure of mine (when they are not completely rude). Stay tuned though, there will be more fun shorts.

      Like

      1. kanadex says:

        Looking forward to it 🙂

        Like

  5. City Girl at the Edge says:

    Hoping this is fiction ;).

    Like

    1. XD for the most part. A friend of mine overheard someone use “Are you a witch?” and then immediately called me because she knew it would tickle me endlessly. Most of it is artistic license, but I don’t think I could ever come up with a pickup line like that on my own.

      Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging, I am glad you liked it!

      Like

      1. havefaith98 says:

        You’re welcome, I truely loved it!

        Like

  6. nusaiba156 says:

    Of course. Just another sad case of the midterms. Poor girl.

    Like

    1. Yeah, sometimes I wonder what people think when they approach people with these things….

      Like

  7. lmarks04 says:

    Yeah I’ve used pickup lines 100 times and never gotten laid. If you’re yourself, you’ll have better luck. But I understand that midterms can drive you crazy and you’re just trying to de-stress. Good luck.

    dailyquizquestion.wordpress.com

    Like

    1. Yeah….people seem to think that there is a quick and easy way into bed with people and there really isn’t. Being yourself is usually the most surefire way, well the best side of yourself. Thank you for your comment : )

      Like

  8. peakofchic says:

    hahaha, i loved this!

    Like

    1. I’m glad, I like it when I can make people laugh. Thanks for the comment!

      Like

  9. A.L. Harris says:

    Thoroughly enjoyed 😀

    Like

    1. Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it!

      Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging! I am glad you liked it!

      Like

  10. iamgraceho says:

    Awwww oh my gosh I love this! So cute but cringe-worthy. It definitely made me smile 😀

    Like

    1. Thank you! I love it when I am able to make people smile. I seem to be writing a lot of cringe-worthy things lately, which is kind of funny because I hate getting second hand embarrassment from reading and watching movies, but I seem to be able to write it just fine.

      Like

  11. PrimeCritic says:

    What was he thinking?

    Like

    1. I dunno…I don’t even know if midterms are a good enough excuse, good thing Frost has a no nonsense attitude and took care of it, hopefully he thinks twice before he tries again.

      Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging!

      Like

  12. Michael Bennett says:

    I love this! It’s so beautifully constructed. Thank you very much 😀

    Like

    1. Thank you and you’re welcome! It’s really my pleasure to be able to share this with people and have them enjoy it so much!

      Like

  13. Nice use of vocab!

    Like

    1. Thanks! I love words – learning new ones especially and finding ways to incorporate them in my daily conversations and writing.

      Like

  14. Such a great post! Seriously, what are some guys thinking?

    Like

    1. I don’t know, but I have to admit that some pick up lines just really crack me up. I love a good pick up line, when it’s not being used on me. I haven’t had many people try to use them on me and for that I am thankful because I think I would laugh in the poor person’s face.

      Like

      1. So true, I have definitely had to struggle to keep a straight face a few times!

        Like

  15. sosoglitter says:

    Soooooo funny!!! 🙂 great writing!!!

    Like

    1. Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it and got a laugh. This story was a blast to write, I chuckled through the whole thing.

      Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging!

      Like

  16. Reblogged this on ponderingsandgreentea and commented:
    Too wrong

    Like

    1. Yeah, but still a little entertaining. Thank you for reblogging!

      Like

  17. journal1990 says:

    I’d slap the guy if he threw a line such as this at me!

    Like

    1. I probably would just let out a really loud, stunned, laugh. I wish I could be as quick as some of my characters are when it comes to things like this because I think the witty takedown is so much more effective than a slap. I would love to be able to take someone down with a well placed comment, I just can never think of them until the person has left or it’s three hours later and a moot point : (

      Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging and spreading the word about my post!

      Like

  18. …ahaha…as far as pick-up lines go, that was pretty terrible. I have been called a witch before by strangers (granted they were small children…and I actually have no idea what prompted it since I was dressed normal at the time/dressed in medieval garb with a bunch of friends dressed the same) and it’s not flattering.

    I love Frost’s reaction to the line, and her ultimate dismissal of the young man.

    Like

    1. When I first heard the pickup line I just was stunned and I thought, maybe there is a really cheesy/great conclusion! Something like – because you’ve totally bewitched me or because you’ve cast a spell on me or SOMETHING, but the end of that one just made me shake my head. No follow through.

      I don’t know if anyone has ever called me a witch straight up, but I have had two people ward me away by making a cross with their fingers. I was dressed normally in both cases and not doing anything particularly traumatizing (well, the second time I was selling Girl Scout cookies, and I know for a fact that Girl Scouts are devil’s spawn – I was one of them and helped a few brownie troops). It’s never flattering and even if it’s a joke there’s that initial sting that is almost impossible to get over, which is why I love that Frost was able to shut down her fellow student. Hopefully he doesn’t do it again, but you never know, it might just be his MO, really bad pickup lines with no follow-through.

      Like

      1. I’m with you on the expectations and the letdown…but then it worked, and you didn’t even feel any pity for the guy about the shutdown.

        I’ve never been one but I fully believe you when you say Girl Scouts are devil’s spawn 🙂

        Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging!

      Like

  19. shannon says:

    What a cute story! I suppose it did get her attention though albeit not the reaction he wanted 🙂

    Like

    1. XD I think that’s what some people don’t understand, not all attention is good attention. I am hoping he reconsiders his approach, but a short series on his failed pickup lines might be too hilarious for me to resist. Thank you for reading and I am glad you liked it.

      Like

  20. gallhamma says:

    haha, gave me a real hearty chuckle!

    Like

    1. I am always glad to bring some laughter to people’s days. Thank you for leaving a comment!

      Like

  21. Nice story you got there. It made me want to read more. It is just kind of confusing for me. Well, that is something on my part I have to improve

    Like

    1. Thank you, I don’t know if there will be more, but if there is it will definitely appear on the blog. What did you find confusing about it?

      Like

      1. Well, I’m confused about who throws the lines, Is Frost the guy or the girl, & I think that’s about it. No need to worry about it coz it’s the reader’s part that I need to improve & I think I can handle it if I read it again

        Like

  22. 5arah3lo9s says:

    Reblogged this on Mind In The Buff and commented:
    Heh heh. Poor dude. Poor creepy dude.

    Like

    1. XD I totally feel you. I relate to both characters in this piece because I am sure I sometimes come off as that poor creepy dude even though I try so hard to be cute/suave/smart. Thank you for reblogging and commenting

      Like

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you liked it : )

      Like

  23. chloeroberts93 says:

    Oh dear, that’s a terrible chat-up line! It’s interesting how it’s been expressed in short story form. I have a blog on creative writing and fiction, check it out.

    Like

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I hope to get the chance to check your blog out soon, I am in the middle of my thesis semester and a bit pressed for time, but I am really loving all the people and blogs I am finding : ) Good luck on all your writing!

      Like

  24. sreshtha21 says:

    I stumbled across this post and must admit to enjoying it thoroughly. I have a little weakness for artless yet endearingly clumsy pick-up lines. Which is why, I’m not sure who I relate to more: Frost, or the guy in question. Loved it! Hope you explore themes like this further! 😀

    Like

    1. Yeah, I completely understand the dilemma about who one should relate to. I am fairly artless myself when it comes to conversation and usually end up in socially unapproved areas and awkward silences. I love pickup lines, I’m sure they’ll figure into another piece of work. I half want to have the guy in this story pop back up with another artless pickup line.

      Like

    1. I was half-tempted to actually address the question, but maybe in a later post if Frost comes back ; )

      Like

      1. This sounds like the opening chapter to a book, I’d read such a tale.

        ECHO ECHO

        Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging and spreading the word!

      Like

  25. ee2dieem says:

    Reblogged this on Conundrum that is I.

    Like

    1. Thanks for reblogging! I am glad you liked it!

      Like

  26. Poor guy.
    But he shouldn’t have done that at the time of your midterms.
    Though I would like to hear what happened after this?

    Like

    1. I am not sure what happens after this, it was originally written as a oneshot, but if something does strike me I will be sure to post it!

      Like

  27. love it! reblogged this. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thanks, I am glad you liked it and thank you for spreading the post : )

      Like

    1. Thank you! I am glad you thought so and I hope you enjoy my future posts as well.

      Like

  28. victoriambabazi says:

    Reblogged this on Victoria Mbabazi and commented:
    Do Pick-up lines really have power??!!

    Like

    1. I think that pickup lines have less power than most people who use them think they do. Unless it’s a really funny and witty pickup line that is situationally aware I think it is doomed to fail. It’s better to be yourself ; )

      Like

  29. sh041b says:

    EPIC!!!!!

    This is well written, cringe worthy and funny at the same time!! Fantastic. I’m gonna have to use that pick up line just in hope that i get that response!!

    Thanks for sharing!!

    Like

    1. Oh no! XD You better let me know if works any better than it did here! Thank you for your comment and I am glad you enjoyed it, be careful when using pickup lines ; )

      Like

      1. sh041b says:

        on 2nd thoughts i wont be using that line at all. I cant handle the embarrasment!! lols.

        Shoaib Hassan
        http://www.shoaibhassan.co.uk

        Like

  30. sh041b says:

    EPIC!!!!!

    This is well written, cringe worthy and funny at the same time!! Fantastic. I’m gonna have to use that pick up line just in hope that i get that response!!

    Thanks for sharing!!

    Shoaib Hassan
    http://www.shoaibhassan.co.uk

    Like

    1. Thank you for reblogging and sharing the post!

      Like

  31. gpeppers says:

    I’m new to blogging so not sure what or how to reblog, but loved this and will share. I would love to hear more about Frost. Thanks for blogging.

    Like

    1. Welcome to blogging! I hope you have as much fun as I have been having : ) Thank you for enjoying, commenting and sharing it with others. If anything comes up with Frost I promise to post it. Good luck with your blog!

      Like

  32. anvitaverma says:

    Nice one 😀
    pretty cool blog 🙂 .

    Like

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you liked it, I hope that my blog continues to be cool and interesting and you keep coming back for more : )

      Liked by 1 person

  33. Nathan Doneen says:

    Loved it! Definitely worth a laugh and a tweet. Can’t wait to read more!

    Like

    1. Thanks! I appreciate the tweet, it’s awesome when people decide to spread the word. I hope my future posts are just as amusing!

      Like

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