Hey Y’all! I am fresh back from the wilds of Virginia and by the “wilds” of Virginia I mean I am back from four days of lazing on a Chesapeake Bay beach and drinking way too many frozen refreshments. But such an idyllic time is not complete without a horror story to accompany it, so I give you GREYHOUND.

Fuck Greyhound so fucking much.

So I woke up bright and early Saturday morning because I needed to get my butt into Queens to get my hair dyed. Yup. You heard me. I went all the way into Queens from Manhattan to get my hair done, but it was SO worth it! I had my hair cut last Tuesday Harry’s Corner Shop and then went to Imagination Hair Salon to get it bleached and dyed. Everything went well, except that the toner to smooth out the blond on the left side chemically burned my scalp so I had bumps for a couple days – note to self, no toner when you have a buzz cut. Despite the rocky beginning, the cut looks awesome:

I then napped on the couch at the Brazilian Helicopter Pilot’s place until it was time to go to the bus station to catch my 12:35 am bus to Binghamton where I would be picked up by Momo and her mom at 4:05 am. We got there super early because that is how I roll and then we waited. And waited. And waited some more. When I get tired I get agitated VERY easily, so by the time they finally located a bus driver for us (I learned later that, apparently, NYC had no drivers for the route and the only reason we ended up with a driver was because BUFFALO found one for us) and we got moving it was 1:10 am.

But, as I said above, there had to be a horror story.

We stopped at the usual rest stop to pee and get food in Pennsylvania and the bus was beeping. I ignored it, assuming that the bus driver had left something on or something else. The fifteen minutes we have at the stop pass and we are all back on the bus. The bus driver gets on the bus and maneuvers us to the other side of the parking lot and parks the bus and then informs us that the coolant has essentially exploded and we won’t be able to go anywhere, we need to wait for a replacement bus. He gets off the bus to call people to try to get us a bus – remember that NYC has NO DRIVERS even for their FUCKING SCHEDULED BUSES – so he calls a driver he knows in SYRACUSE so that means that it will take 2.5 hours for the rescue bus to get to us which means we won’t leave where we are until 6 am, two hours AFTER I am supposed to meet Momo in Binghamton.

I very calmly called Momo and asked her if she could pick me up in Pennsylvania instead and sent her the coordinates via Line. At 5 am Momo and her mom roll in and I pass the fuck out in the back of the car, which, because Momo and I have been friends for more than half our lives, she proceeds to take pictures of me passed the hell out in her backseat:

We made it to the beach house in record time and then proceeded to be completely debauched and awesome. I made a crap ton of frozen drinks, as follows:

Frozen Strawberry Daiquiris

Put all in blender in following order:

1 can frozen Bacardi strawberry daiquiri mix
Use empty can to measure rum (1/2-3/4 can of Bacardi Rum Limon)
5-6 fresh strawberries hulled and halved
Add ice until it comes up over the top of the liquid (more ice = thicker and icier)
Blend until smooth

Frozen Gin and Tonics

Put all in blender in following order:

1 can frozen limeade
Use empty can to measure gin and tonic (1/2-3/4 can of gin, 1/2 can tonic)
Add ice until it comes up over the top of the liquid
Blend until smooth
Garnish with lime

Frozen Strawberry Lemonade Vodka

Put all in blender in following order:

1 can frozen lemonade
Use empty can to measure Svedka Strawberry Lemonade Vodka (1/2-3/4 can vodka)
5-6 fresh strawberries hulled and halved
Add ice until it comes up above the liquid
Blend until smooth

Momo taught me how to play Koi Koi, we watched Summer Wars, played two rounds of Arkham Horror (the H.P. Lovecraft board game), went swimming, went swimming at night, picked fresh cooked crabs, and I took a lot of naps. I made blueberry muffins and Momo made us a Nagoya classic pork dish. It was a fun and refreshing week where the only person I had to be was me and there were no expectations or pressure.

It was a 13 hour trip home between the car ride and the bus and then the train. It was exhausting and draining, but totally worth it. I am now back at work jonesing for a strawberry daiquiri and wondering what the hell happened to island time.

*pushes shades up higher*

Peace out readers, keep kicking ass, and enjoy the end of your summer!