#13 – You Are Constantly Almost Dying

This is number thirteen of the top 30 reasons for why normal people should not date a superhero(ine). Remember supers! This is all in good fun, BUT if you see yourself in these reasons you should consider altering your behavior in order to keep your beloved!

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. I consider “bro” and “brah” gender neutral. I use them in my day to day life to refer to people of all gender identities.

13) You Are Constantly Almost Dying

 Injury, in life, is effectively inevitable. Therefore, it is to be expected that your significant other will, in the course of your relationship, be hurt. When dating a non-super these injuries tent to be relatively minor – cut fingers from scissors or cooking knives, sprained ankles/wrists from falling – and rarely major life-threatening injuries – care accidents, muggins, ski accidents, etc. If you date a superhero(ine) these injuries increase exponentially both in number and severity to the point where your significant other is almost constantly almost dying in your arms. Let’s use Clint Barton (Hawkeye) for example, he is always falling/jumping off buildings, being beaten up by track suit mafia henchmen, etc. Not every superhero(ine) has an increased healing factor so injuries on the job can be fatal and/or take a long time to heal – Phil Coulson. An sometimes, even with a crazy healing ability, they still end up hospitalized – Steve Rogers.

So what? A superhero(ine) might say. It’s my body, my job, my duty.

Yes, but if your significant other has a single empathetic or compassionate molecule in hir body, your injuries are hir injures and they hurt hir.

Well, that’s why my significant other can’t know about my job, many of you argue, it only hurts hir to know.

  1. Utter bullshit. Ze will be concerned about you and your injuries/near death experiences regardless.
  2. Complete consent violation. I don’t think any person can be considered to be capable of giving full consent to a relationship if hir doesn’t know you’re a superhero(ine) because it adds a lot more risks and concerns that hir deserves to know about if hir is going to sign onto it.
  3. It might make other people think your significant other is abusing you

Just know that it is utterly draining and mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing to be with someone who could die/be mortally injured at any moment.

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