I do not have an awesome subway post, but enjoy my experience riding a bus from NYC to Syracuse, NY. This is a DM twitter conversation I had with a good friend of mine:

 

Me: Dude across the aisle from me is watching some OH WOE IS ME FOR I AM A WHITE BOY movie. There is no action whatsoever, lots of riding trains and driving cars and running over what looked like a cat and now there is a quartet in white cable knit sweaters

 

Me: He just drunkenly yelled at some poor old woman performing on stage

 

Friend: wait in the movie?
there’s a stage in the bus!?!?!
that would be awesome

 

Me: Mmhmmm, I only ride in style
OH GOD WHITE MAN IS SUFFERING MAN PAIN WHILE PLAYING ACOUSTIC GUITAR ON STAGE! SOMEONE HELP HIM! SOMEONE HELP HIM!
He looks soooooooo tortured

 

Friend: he needs sex! It’s the only antidote!!

 

Me: DRAMATIC SPOTLIGHT

 

Friend: hahahha
hold your breath, keep the feelings in!!!

 

Me: He appears to have an apathetic girlfriend too who slept through him running over a cat and I think made him sleep on the couch

 

Friend: she’s like, “What baby? I gotta go to work…”
“ok, you sing. I’ll be back a little later with pizza”
he’s like, “You are the perfect woman”

 

Me: His life is so hard
SING IT WHITE BROTHER
SING IT WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED

 

Friend: ahahhaha

 

Me: Oh god. Is he watching himself perform in some kind of out of body experience?
also, white boy got the shit kicked out of him in a back alley, but escaped with his virtue intact

 

Friend: please find out the title of this film

 

Me: And that was the end? What the fiuuuuuuuuuuuuck
I just vomited
What an asinine movie
Good fucking God
OH NO
HE HAS QUEUED ANOTHER ONE
This one is white guy in a suit in the middle of the wilderness dropped off by a helicopter

 

Friend: oooo
SURVIVAL
in the suit

 

Me: He is in a super secret bunker
Very artsy deco
I have decided I have too many brain cells to watch these silly OMG IT’S A SKETCHY ROBOT BIONIC CYBORG WOMAN WHO HE WILL PROBABLY BANG BY THE END OF THE MOVIE
God the lighting in man films is SO dramatic

 

Friend: oh i think i saw that one!
i think i liked that one
i think it’s Ex Machina
do you want to know the awesome ending?

 

Me: Yes
Tell me she kills them both please!

Censored to prevent spoilers