Hey Sinuses

Hey Sinuses! Screw you! Could you please stop masquerading as something else when you aren’t feeling well!? I am sick of taking the wrong medicine for a week before realizing that it’s YOU who is having the issue. Sincerely, Seriously Stuffed Up

Dear Brain

Dear Brain, I am healthy, have a good job, two degrees, a healthy and loving romantic relationship, and am writing almost regularly – could you please stop trying to convince me that I am a failure or that I am doing something wrong? I really would just like to enjoy feeling happy. Sincerely, Anxious Twenty-Something…

Dearest Most Important Inspiration

Dearest Most Important Inspiration, Why do you always come to me right when I am about to fall asleep or in the middle of the night on my way back from the bathroom? You must know that I will not remember you in the morning and that I don’t want to write you down because then…

Dear Weather

Dear Weather, Could you please stop fucking around and just pick a damn season? Sincerely, Sick of Getting Sick

And One More Thing, Present Michelle

And One More Thing, Present Michelle, Stop making cookie dough and eating it straight out of the fridge. Also, could you please get off your ass and do that exercise plan you keep talking about? It would be reaaaaaally helpful right about now. Not Bathing Suit Ready, Future Michelle P.S. – Past Michelle was right.

Yeah, Really, Present Michelle

Yeah, Really, Present Michelle, Get over yourself and how about you put that doughnut down and think about Future Michelle? She’s going to be yelling at you for it soon! Unrepentant, Past Michelle

Really Past Michelle?

Really!? Reaaaaaally, Past Michelle? Do you know what the scale said this morning? Do you? I am up two pounds because of you and your cinnamon buns and molten lava cakes and homemade whipped cream! Could you please think about me before you stuff your face with every sugary thing in sight!? Heavier than last week,…

Hey, Present Michelle

Hey, Present Michelle, If you hate it so much, just take it off the playlist, dumbass. I put it there, but you are the one whining about it when you have the power to do something about it. Without Empathy, Past Michelle P.S. – And saying that you don’t want to lose the song is…

Yo, Past Michelle

Yo, Past Michelle, Why the fuck did you put this creepy-ass song on this otherwise pleasant and awesome playlist? Every time it comes on it freaks me out and ruins perfectly good moments. Dude, seriously! Frustratedly Yours, Present Michelle

Dear Life

Dear Life, Please stop “happening,” I need to get a bunch of shit done. Do you know how hard it is to write and commit to your dreams when YOU keep “happening?” Tone down the “happening” please and I will not have to resort to running away screaming to a cave and hermiting for the…


Dear World, This is not a post where I bemoan people’s inability to foam my milk properly or how I miss access to free coffee. This is not that post. Coffee shops are warm in the winter and (sometimes) cool in the summer. They are busy and you don’t have to get past a host…