Hey NJ Beach! You suck! You are mean and horrible and destroy people’s hopes and dreams and make small children cry! I am supposed to be able to run and play and frolic on the sand without worry and you killed it!!!! SCREW YOU! With contempt, Disillusioned Beach-Goer Dear Disillusioned Beach-Goer, It is not my…
Tag: epistolary
Dear Readers
Dear Readers, My sincerest apologies. This week I have had two posts go up before they were ready which resulted in me having to pull them, finish them, and re-post. It is unprofessional, annoying, and disappointing. My only explanation is that it has been very hectic at work and I am at the tail end…
To the Two Young Women on My Train
To the Two Young Women on My Train, First I would like to apologize for eavesdropping on your conversation and inserting myself into it later, I know it is not polite to do either of those things. Second, I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me hope that I am not the only…
Hey Sinuses
Hey Sinuses! Screw you! Could you please stop masquerading as something else when you aren’t feeling well!? I am sick of taking the wrong medicine for a week before realizing that it’s YOU who is having the issue. Sincerely, Seriously Stuffed Up
Dear Brain
Dear Brain, I am healthy, have a good job, two degrees, a healthy and loving romantic relationship, and am writing almost regularly – could you please stop trying to convince me that I am a failure or that I am doing something wrong? I really would just like to enjoy feeling happy. Sincerely, Anxious Twenty-Something…
Hey Sick of Getting Sick
Hey Sick of Getting Sick, How about all you dust motes on the history timeline of the Earth stop maiming the planet and then we’ll consider picking a “damn season?” Without Amusement, Weather and Earth (Weather’s big sister)
Dear Weather
Dear Weather, Could you please stop fucking around and just pick a damn season? Sincerely, Sick of Getting Sick
And One More Thing, Present Michelle
And One More Thing, Present Michelle, Stop making cookie dough and eating it straight out of the fridge. Also, could you please get off your ass and do that exercise plan you keep talking about? It would be reaaaaaally helpful right about now. Not Bathing Suit Ready, Future Michelle P.S. – Past Michelle was right.
Yeah, Really, Present Michelle
Yeah, Really, Present Michelle, Get over yourself and how about you put that doughnut down and think about Future Michelle? She’s going to be yelling at you for it soon! Unrepentant, Past Michelle
Really Past Michelle?
Really!? Reaaaaaally, Past Michelle? Do you know what the scale said this morning? Do you? I am up two pounds because of you and your cinnamon buns and molten lava cakes and homemade whipped cream! Could you please think about me before you stuff your face with every sugary thing in sight!? Heavier than last week,…
Hey, Present Michelle
Hey, Present Michelle, If you hate it so much, just take it off the playlist, dumbass. I put it there, but you are the one whining about it when you have the power to do something about it. Without Empathy, Past Michelle P.S. – And saying that you don’t want to lose the song is…
Yo, Past Michelle
Yo, Past Michelle, Why the fuck did you put this creepy-ass song on this otherwise pleasant and awesome playlist? Every time it comes on it freaks me out and ruins perfectly good moments. Dude, seriously! Frustratedly Yours, Present Michelle
Little Gentian 