I am happy to report that Brazilian Helicopter Pilot and I have survived another week in captivity together. This past week has officially been named “Cancel Week” in my head. As my therapist predicted, this past week was the slump. And I have to admit I was feeling it, too.
Monday dawned bright and ragey. Someone – ME – woke up on the wrong side of life and was spitting murder and death every other sentence. This of course was the worst (or maybe best?) day for me to be ragey because Monday is my meditation day. Now I know what you are thinking – but Michelle!This is the best day to be ragey! You have two meditation sessions to help you calm down and release the bad energy. No. No it fucking isn’t. I am working hard to be good at my meditation practice, embracing my monkey mind (named Farley), and guiding myself back to the breath with kindness and understanding when I stray, but believe me when I say my practice is hit or miss. I have yet to meet a loving kindness meditation that I like, and, if my mood is off, kiss my concentration goodbye.
So, OF COURSE, my meditation instructor chose a loving kindness meditation. I tried. I gave it the good ol’ Austin try, sitting there glowering with my eyes closed and resenting having to be nice to anyone with every fiber of my being. You know how some people get offended if you say you’ll pray for them? (Like, I don’t get it. If you are willing to put your good energy towards me, more power to you, because I need it. Unless you are doing that bullshit “I’ll pray for you” which actually means “I think you’re going to hell/are an abomination/are a heathen and I want to save your mortal soul that you might not even believe exists.”Then no thanks, kay, bye!) I think I might get that way if someone said they would think of me during their loving kindness meditation. Not that it’s not a nice gesture and I don’t appreciate it, but I really hate loving kindness meditations.
But nobody panic! Brazilian Helicopter Pilot stepped up and saved the day again! (Michelle: whispers softly to herself Come, fly with me gatinha!) He let me break our working from home protocols and steal hugs every time I was about to scream or snap someone’s neck through email. Look, I may not be Darth Vader, but I got me some mad skills. And rage. God, so much rage on Monday.
Monday kicked off “Cancel Week” because my supervisor moved our weekly meeting at the last moment. Tuesday was a friend who forgot about our virtual tea date and took a nap – sooooooooooo feeling this. I really have trouble faulting people for skipping social obligations for naps. Naps make being conscious almost worthwhile. Also on Tuesday – our third D&D campaign was canceled last minute so I didn’t get to hear BHP howl about his wounded pride in his best Vegeta impersonation. I hope you all feel the pain of my loss. Wednesday my seven a.m. barely caffeinated video chat was canceled last minute. By this point I was old hat at this and had a back-up activity planned. And Friday my department canceled our weekly meeting.
Despite all the canceling that was going around, my yoga game was wicked strong last week. I practiced five days in a row and then tweaked a muscle in my thigh on Thursday so I had to go easy on Friday. I think I only yelled at the yoga instructor a handful of times, and I am fairly certain they were mild insults. Before you get upset at me screaming and yelling at my poor yoga teacher, they were on Zoom and my video was off and my microphone was muted. The only person who could hear me cursing and swearing that “it’s called tabletop you fucking half-wit” was BHP who has learned to tune me out when I am exercising because nothing I say when I am exercising is good. I never turn my camera on when I do yoga, no matter how much the instructors plead with us and tell us that it helps them teach if they can see us, I NEVER turn on my camera. You want to know why? Because I need to be able to do a down dog safe in the knowledge that my pale, marshmallow arms and Sasquatch face are not going to end up on some reddit thread.
It’s getting late and I am getting lazy, so here are some highlights and lowlights:
- I did a ton of cooking. I made zucchini muffins, pasta sauce from scratch, sheet-pan pizza, and chicken pot pie
- My sister sent me a video of my nephew screeching and falling over (on a bed, no danger or injuries – I am ragey, not a monster!). This little boy is my soul. I have watched that video and made BHP watch the video countless times.
- Hot chocolate with rum and Kahlua in it
- I walked in the park with a friend (we were six feet apart at all times)
- I ran my D&D campaign on Saturday. My players picked up a new party member and they were all delightfully insane. It’s so sad that they have no idea of the horrors that await them! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE POWER IS ALL MINE
- I finished a book! Atomic Habits by James Clear
- BHP has noticed I have a mustache, I don’t know if I can let him live….
- I had to sit on an ice pack
- I did not get to nap every day
I hope you are all taking care of yourselves! Do what you gotta do to get through, but make sure the microphone is off if you are swearing at your yoga instructor.