#10 – Age slower

Oh my Goodness! We have reached the TOP TEN of the top 30 reasons for why normal people should not date a superhero(ine)!!!!! Remember supers! This is all in good fun, BUT if you see yourself in these reasons you should consider altering your behavior in order to keep your beloved!

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. I consider “bro” and “brah” gender neutral. I use them in my day to day life to refer to people of all gender identities.

10) Age Slower

Being the older or more mature person in a relationship can have a lot of perks! You have seniority and precedence that the younger person doesn’t have, but when that younger-looking person is actually your age or OLDER is when things start to get difficult. I will admit that I am 26 years old and have no problem with my grey hairs, but hot damn they can make me super self-conscious and if my partner was older than me and looked a decade younger than me? I’d be flipping some shit. Just look at the tragedy that was Steve and Peggy – her bedridden with old age and Alzheimer’s and him a young, spry twenty-something. I know that was necessarily because of slower aging and more because he was preserved in ice for decades, but really, it sucks. Can you imagine how hard it is to have your laugh lines deepening into wrinkles and your partner of twenty odd years is still being carded? Having people recognize you as a couple and then start asking if your partner is your younger sibling/cousin/nephew/niece/child? I’d lose it.

We also, as regular humans, start to slow down as we age. You start to want more lazy mornings on the porch with a coffee watching the sun rise and more nights in. You start to get aches and pains and ailments of old age. It’s hard enough to go through it yourself, but to go through it alone as your partner continues to enjoy and revel in their youthful vessel must make it even more difficult. Also, the older you get, the more fragile you get – bones, muscles, etc – so sex becomes EVEN MORE of a danger! Whereas you might have been able to hold up under their super loving in the sack, now you are more likely to snap a bone, put out your back, pull a muscle, or perforate an organ.

I honestly would start to worry about how I was dragging my super down, or if ze was getting annoyed or bored with me. I would probably get to a point where I would want hir to move on and have us remain good friends, but we all know how obsessive supers can get when it comes to significant others.

But remember, this  reason to not date supers is predicated on the very shaky premise that you managed to survive dating long enough to grow old with a super. Never forget reason #20 – You are in Danger/You are Cannon Fodder

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