#16 – Martyr Complexes are Not Sexy

This is number sixteen of the top 30 reasons for why normal people should not date a superhero(ine). Remember supers! This is all in good fun, BUT if you see yourself in these reasons you should consider altering your behavior in order to keep your beloved!

[In no particular order, except for number one because that’s my #1]

Note: This piece will be written using gender neutral pronouns (ze instead of he/she and hir instead of she/he and him/her) in order to make this non-heteronormative. I consider “bro” and “brah” gender neutral. I use them in my day to day life to refer to people of all gender identities.

16) Martyr Complexes are Not Sexy

Trust me, as a recovering martyr, there is nothing that can grate more than a person with a martyr complex. Superhero(in)es are notorious for martyr complexes – Spiderman, Dean and Sam Winchester, Batman, Bruce Banner, Hawkeye, Phil Coulson, Tony Stark, Arrow, the Flash, ad infinitum and ad nauseam. With great power comes great responsibility, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a miserable little shit who is constantly falling on your own sword. It doesn’t feel good, no one ever notices, and it alienates you from EVERYONE but your arch-nemesis (hence why there are SO MANY superhero(ine)/villain(ess) pairings in fandom). The love of your life can handle it and if ze can’t well, according to lore ze’ll be dead soon anyways.

Also, if you are this martyr-tastic in your superhero(ine) life you’ll be like this in every other aspect of your life which means you’ll constantly be taken advantage of and miserable – taking out the trash when it is someone else’s turn and not pointing out means they will NOT NOTICE (trust me I KNOW) and not change their behavior! They’ll just think it’s all good and keep on keeping on and you’ll keep doing shit you don’t want to and then expecting a pat on the back or some acknowledgement. You will have no idea how to set and hold healthy boundaries and eventually you’ll snap and go dark side and all that hard work goes out the window. Like Barry Allen? For fuck’s sake, that whole first season would have been perfect and palatable IF they had just fucking told Iris about Barry being the Flash instead of running around lying and trying to protect the poor, pitiful damsel (NOT) in distress!

It’s harder to to own up to shit, trust people, accept help, and tell people to hand their shit, than constantly throwing yourself into the pit and crying when no one notices. YOU are the superhero(ine), so fucking act like it.

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