Thank whoever first invented headphones because otherwise I would have already been incarcerated for life. There is a woman who, even though I can’t hear her, is making my skin crawl. She is working that gum like a cow chewing cud and I want to cry. Her mouth never shuts and I can hear the shluck, shlt noise of her gum in my head. She lets out a wet sounding cough that I can hear due to a softer song playing on my headphones and all I want to do is vomit. She is bothering no one else on this train, but me and I shouldn’t be thinking about the simile of train wrecks and watching because I am on a train right now and it makes me think about those old DC trains that pile up and pancake riders when they crash.