I Love You

His first “I love you” was spoken to me with a puff of white breath on a cold snowy January night. I had just received my first kiss and agreed to be his girlfriend. Startled out of my wits, I mumbled that I loved him back and climbed into my mother’s Honda. Love? How could he possibly love me? He didn’t even know me!

My first “I love you” was wrenched from me after a tearful, borderline hysterical confession over an internet video-chat. Almost as soon as I had said it I had to run out the door for my drama class, but he said that my distress and tears had made it seem even more real. That night we whispered “I love you” to each other in order to arouse a need that could only be satisfied by our own hands because we were thousands of miles apart.

His first “I love you” was adorably awkward and perfect. A long explanation about a television show where a female character tells her love interest she loves him and says “And now is where you say something like ‘You smell good’ because you can’t say ‘I love you too.’” Later in the episode he comes up to her and says “You smell good.” Standing in the hallway he smiles at me and says “You smell good.” I beam up at him and tell him I’m happy because I like smelling good and it’s one of the highest compliments you can give me. He laughs and shakes his head. “No, no, remember that story? I…you smell good.” It takes a moment and it clicks and I smile up at him. He knows I’m not going to say anything back. I told him at the beginning of our fuckbuddy relationship. I will never say “I love you” if I don’t mean it.

My first “I love you” was just outside his bedroom in a dark hallway, the only light the “assistive light” from his android. I grabbed his hand and he turned to look at me. I kissed him and told him quietly. He stared at me and asked me if I meant it and I nodded. It had been on the tip of my tongue for a week. Every time he said “I love you” and every time he did something that just made me smile so wide or so sweetly. He kissed me hard and that night I got the Facebook request to be in a “relationship” with him.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Peg Austin says:

    I heart you!



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