I was Afraid to Tell You

I didn’t want to dominate you.

I couldn’t inhabit that world if you wanted it.

I wouldn’t be able to follow.

That the condom in your back pocket hurt me the most

and the thought of your hands on her made me sick.

                                                           I needed more.

I felt unsafe around you.

I had to protect myself, hide who I was.

I thought if you moved down here you would swallow me up

and dismantle my life.

You felt so far away.

I slept better without you here.

                                                                        Your need for me was stifling.

I liked not having to wait for your calls.

I was afraid to tell you no.

                                                                                                            To tell you to go.

I was afraid I was making a mistake

I was afraid I was doing what was right

And that you had been the mistake