Dependence – physical, emotional. Judgment. Chronic. Unsophisticated, genetics distorted. Wish. Environment, submissive. Inadequate, ingratiating, inept. Helpless. Abdicate. Lack, self-effacing. Obsequious. Deny. Subordinate.

Deceptive. Avoid. Meek docile mawkish. Self-defeating.

Submit.

Abuse, intimidation, self-sacrifice. Disconnected, fretful. Vulnerable. Lonely.

Engulfed, absorbed, incapable.

Masochistic.

Obliging, inferior, incompetent.

Needy, passive, fear, avoidance, oversensitivity.

Not Me.

Genetics and predisposition do not determine who I am. I am not foolish enough to think myself beyond their influence, and I see myself in every symptom listed, but that list is not the sum of my whole because I was taught to be more than that. I was shown how to become more than the blurred outline nature provided. You, Mom, and Dad pushed me to be independent even when it sucked and my tendencies wanted me to do otherwise. You and I are cycle-breakers in more than just refusing to be alcoholics.

I won’t lie.

There is a part of me that feels relieved. There is a name. This is a thing. I am not just fucked up, but at the same time I am fucked up in a recognized, acknowledged way.

It makes me feel a little less alone.